if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
