There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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