If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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