what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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