she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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