If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did I show you my penis last night?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Success! We fucked roommates!
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