Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
