She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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