i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
