i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
