i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
