I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
