She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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