I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
