We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I pour the whiskey from now on
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
