i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
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Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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