turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
