I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
