Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
