i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
