You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
