Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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