Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
