I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
