Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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