It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
