it was like his penis was on wheels.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
