break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
