Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
