We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
