dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
