Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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