I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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