Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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