They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
