I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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