do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
