she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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