You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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