Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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