did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
