is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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