Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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