this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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