I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
