my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize