I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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