It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
