just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
