And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
