Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
