You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
