Kiss
Puke
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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