She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
