This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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