the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
