if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize