i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
