I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
