Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
