I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
