So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
