I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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